I didn’t know that life without my mother could be so difficult.  I didn’t know because I had no reason to experience it.  But now, after not speaking with her for over 2 weeks, I know that it’s harder than I would have ever thought.

Family dissagreements are hard to look at.  I was good at them when I was younger.  Generally the cause of them acutally.  But now, I’m not so good at it.  I don’t like to fight, I don’t like confrontation the way I used to.  I used to thrive on it, and now I just get shaky hands and get so worked up I cry.  So when I got in a fight with my mother a few weeks ago, a real fight, like I’ve never done with her, I thought I could just live though the next few days until she called and prentended it never happened.  But two weeks later, she hasn’t, and I haven’t called her either.  I won’t.  I didn’t do anything wrong.  She made bad choices and I called her out on them, just honesty.  So it’s her call. 

I’ve wanted to call her, I’ve almost dialed the number, but I haven’t, and I’ll stick with my resolve and not do so….. Stubborn, I know.  It’s nothing new.

But I didn’t think it would happen in this situation.

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